I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
