i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
