you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Drake has all the answers
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
