He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
