Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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