I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Randomize
