Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
