Duck Duck Cougar?
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
