I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
