A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
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