let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
