My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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