well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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