She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
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