Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
