Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
