They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
