Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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