Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
