I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
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