You're earring is so big in my mouth
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
