you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
We named our party play list daddy issues
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
