i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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