it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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