for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
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