You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize