Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
