worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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