I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
