I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Randomize
