Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize