You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
