Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
