Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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