you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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