The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
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