Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
