dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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