How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
