i permit you to call me
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
