And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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