WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
