I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
