How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
