Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
