is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
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