Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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