Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
