Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
