i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
