that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
