Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
