grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Randomize
