he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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