Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
