Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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