Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Randomize
