I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
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