if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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