Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
