Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
We are all done wearing pants today
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
