I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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