I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize