I take back everything I said about communal showers
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
