White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
