he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
