He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
