In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Do you remember whose house we're in?
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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