Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
