dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
