Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
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