that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
