dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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