can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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