How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
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