Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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