Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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