It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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