I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
