nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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