u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Randomize
