it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
