I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
