Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
