Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
