i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
