This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
