woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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