hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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