Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Can i not drive my cunt home
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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