Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
