His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
We don't watch enough power rangers
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
