i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
