You just made me feel so damn special
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
