meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Sext me about skeletons
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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