yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
