i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize